I am in a state of errr-ness.

I have to describe it as "errr-ness" because I can't pinpoint any word in the English language (or any other language I'm conversant with for that matter) to annunciate how I feel accurately.

Something's missing
And I dont know how to fix it
Something's missing
And I dont know what it is
At all


Haha, trust Mayer to have expressed it in a nice succinct way! The song goes on:

I can't be sure that this state of mind
Is not of my own design
I wish there was an over the counter test
for lonliness like this

Something is definitely missing from my life. I suppose part of it is loneliness. Like...those purporting to be close friends don't even know me (see 23/9/03!) and there's this underlying angst which is bugging me with bf. The same old angst really. I expect more than I'm getting. Hmm, you know if you suppress something in your mind enough then you cease to think about it and it ceases to bug you? Well I was all good with that with regard to this issue. Then my mum had to topple my carefully crafted block on my feelings by basically calling a spade a spade.

And so ever since, I've felt very isolated...the one person in the world who you would think would be there for me...needs to be cajoled into it. Is unspontaneous about it. Seems to only want to if convenient. Ergh. Dad was just warning me over lunch the dangers of being too individualistic. Bf is definitely individualistic. Hrmph.

This is a very inarticulate blog. Maybe because I'm trying to articulate things that can't be named. The best way to describe it is this sense of internal emptiness, of feeling like an island. There's definitely repressed tears in there.

I want to crawl into a hole and hide.