Hullo,

I was sitting in front of the comp looking for something to entertain me. This day I'm taking off for myself to do nothing- or more accurately, to have the OPTION of doing nothing (it's all about options!). But then I realised I shouldn't while away my hard won time to myself on the comp...I'm going to do something productive.

Actually, wait!

There is something that just occured to me that I would like to blog.

I don't know why, but so much of my life is oriented around success. Hmm, take that a step back. My life is oriented around things that I look forward to, and success is a big part of that. And when I examine my life now, it has been pretty much devoid of that element, which may explain why I'm living a status quo at the moment. E.g. I realised the other day (I had a midsession) how I was doing it to "not fail" rather than "do well", and that's generally the case with all my uni work now. I think that's a product of me having not ever done spectacularly at uni and trying to cut my losses. Looking at the things that I do, I'd describe them as dismally average, if not worse. Ministry wise, nothing I have set out to do this year as come to any lasting legacy. How pathetic. Sigh.

I really miss being good at stuff...at feeling like I've accomplished something I can be proud of.

Hrumph. I'm going to sew.