Ciao all,

I am once again on work avoidance. Arrrrrgh...I have to write a "reflective journal" on what I think the ethical issues facing lawyers are and how to solve them. Maybe I should just hand in a page with WWJD? on it...how holy of me! Hehehe.

I have this policy of not second guessing people and taking them on face value until I know otherwise. Why? I'd like to believe that people (especially my friends) can be trusted, and show people that I trust them. So when someone screws me over, it's a bit hard to take. Happened last night. I don't feel particularly pissed off now (I did last night!), but it is a blow to my (somewhat innocent?) understanding of the world. Some would say that it (learning that people aren't really inherently good) is part of growing up...but I dunno, I don't think it has to be that way. Naive? Maybe.

But yeah...I only had two kids for growth group last night so I was figuring out what to do...just go out for a coffee or something. Another group was supposed to go out for an outing to Randwick (i.e. about 30 mins away and hard to get to by public transport) but somehow their transport got gayed up, so they asked me to drive some of their kids, to which I said yes- but I couldn't drive them back to Pymble (which is about 45 mins from my house) cause I had to be home since my parents weren't home and my sister just had a friend staying with her. To which this guy goes "Yeah, don't worry, I'll sort it out." Anyway, to cut a long story short (not good to dwell on these things), it almost DIDN'T get sorted and I got put in a very awkward position.

Thankfully, the situation didn't errupt like it could have. BUT, man, I feel like Dave, in particular, really abused my trust. There are people out there, who, for some reason, I have a special vulnerability to. Not like...emotionally or anything, but because they're in this position where I don't know them very well, but I would like to (I think that's the key to my vulnerability), I'm willing to put myself out there. And I know it DID get sorted in the end, but that's not the point. He said he'd sort it out. If it had got to the position where I was the only option to get kids home, I couldn't have exactly said no, even though I had initially made it clear that I couldn't in the first place. In addition, it made me look really irresponsible to MY kids, in that I wasn't taking them home or not organising transport home. Pffft.

I actually did tell him all this stuff. Don't think he took me seriously though. I think his view is "It all worked out ok, so it's all good!"....I don't think so.

This whole thing actually brought up another kinda issue. While I was venting to my bf on the way home, he was just like "Yeah. Oh...yeah." And I was like "Are you on my side or not??" And he goes "I don't want to take sides!". Personally, that was not the correct approach and I directed him to read "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" (which I own and he had expropriated in earlier days when he actually gave a crap about these things- he still has it) and "Mars and Venus on a Date". First of all, I don't NEED you to take my side- well, not in this situation anyway- as I told him "I know I'm right anyway!!". But the more essential point is that I need someone on my side, in more corner, cheering for me. I need someone to understand, to support me and to stick up for me. I mean...what's the point of getting married if you can't expect that?? I would love it if (in some miraculous throwback to those chivalraic times) someone insulting me or screwing me over aroused some sort of indignation on his behalf- kinda like "You can't get away with doing that to my girlfriend!!" type thing.

I don't know. How do you know when you expect to much and end up pushing people away? All I know to do is to communicate this as accurately as I can, then the ball is no longer in my court, so to speak.

Anyway, I should get back to work. ARGH! It's terrible....and I'm tired.....nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo......

ok. gonna run...(well, lurch off my seat to be precise)

Farewell