I am taking (another) break from Options study.

Funny, I thought that once the exams started in earnest that I would be able to get into some kind of exam studying rhythm (rhythm is a very stylish looking word...too cool for vowels!) but it ain't happening. Even though I have an exam on Monday arvo. It's just that the topic list they published for it was so short and I think it's given me this (false?) sense of confidence....I dunno!! Had an exam yesterday too...it was surprisingly ok. Not too painful.

So yeah, been cooped up in the house all week, except for yesterday which was very hectic. Left for my exam at 7:15 in the MORNING (eek!), did my exam, had lunch with Roz then went back to her place...then got thru a chapter of options before traipsing off to Chatswood to pick my phone up from my sister and get drinks from Easyway and pick up Sushi for dinner...then headed off to GG, then finally home at about 11pm!

Man, GG was energising (as it usually is, I find) but disconcerting. I have this one chick in my group who is kinda teetering on the thin edge of the wedge of her faith, and last night we were having this fairly heated debate about why a God who loves us so much (apparently!) would let S^&* happen to us and other related issues such as predestination etc etc. ARRRRRRGH- after my whole day, I reeeeaaaally wasn't up for it. But what the heck, we talked about it anyway.

You know when people are approaching things with a negative, closed-minded attitude, and you just KNOW that whatever you say isn't going to make an ounce of difference because they're hell bent on their own views? It was VERY like that.

She was talking about a hypothetical woman living on the streets who has a starving baby and has no money and is cold who gets killed by being run over by a bus while crossing the street. How could God let someone live like that? How could God take the baby's mother away when it had so little already? Does that mean that God's purpose for her life was to lead a horrible life then die? And for people who commit suicide, does that mean that God's purpose for their life was for them to commit suicide? and so on and so forth. And I basically replied in answer to the general question (i.e. what do bad things happen if God loves us?) that God gave us free will to choose him or to choose our own way. And back in the garden, we chose our own way...and now we're copping the results of it. And she replied, "Well why doesn't God do something about it then??" [To which the rest of us all chorused "He DID do something!!" hehe]

ARGH! I'm actually regretting how much time we spent over this issue. To their credit, the other kids there were really helpful I thought! Part of the reason why I struggle with answering her is because well (a) we are never going to know exactly WHY things happen, no matter how much we ask and ponder and debate- unfortunately, I think the whole concept of predestination is beyond me and most other people-; and (b) because, looking at crap in the world doesn't really provoke anger at God in me...I suppose it provokes more compassion than anything. But then, to give you some context, she's gone through a fair amount of crap in her life. Sigh. I guess I'm just over it. Kinda like I don't really care whether there was a Big Bang, or that God made the world in 24hrs x7 or whatever. I know that He loves me and that He gives me purpose and direction and that He's saved me from certain death. And living for Him is what matters. What happens in the future and all that...well....I dunno. Call me tunnel-visioned but I don't worry about it.

Anyway, I ended the conversation by saying that our greatest need isn't for someone to love us, isn't for reasons why, isn't food, or clothes or friends....it's for someone to save us from our sin which is what makes our lives meaningless and will ultimately lead to our death. And God has already met that need. I dunno if that was harsh, but she clammed up for the rest of the night (and this debate was at the beginning) and did schoolwork (why bother coming, I ask rhetorically??) while everyone else talked about the study we prepared over the week preceding.

Part of me is like....SCREW YOU, don't blackmail me!! It's like she's holding her faith ransom and if I don't...I dunno...meet her need, or show her where her need can be met, then it's all over for God. Argh! And the other part doesn't want to see her go down that way. I dunno. There are somethings only God can do, kupo! (Ok ok ok, I've been playing Kingdom Hearts again. So sue me! Haha! You've got no cause of action! Sucked in! Ok, I've reeeaaally been studying too much!) And only a few weeks ago she was doing really well with God. Argh. I really don't know what to do. Except pray. Argh.

Hrr. Aunt just called from Singapore. I feel like such a drop-kick (haha that's one I haven't used since year 12 when my maths tutor used to call us that!) when they talk to me...there's just nothing to talk about. Not much love nor affection...nieh. I'd rather wriggle out of such situations (just like I did then- "O, I'll get mum for you!"). And on top of that I can't speak hokkien, (but I understand tho!) and I feel really stupid when they're talking to me.
Pleh.

Ok, enough from me....
ciao xx