=(

I wrote a nice long and interesting blog- but this time, my comp decided to have a system error and shut down on me. So, in summary, I talked about:

1) Losing my PC- the other day when I turned it on, it only loaded my wallpaper so I've lost all my other stuff like old emails- which I keep for sentimental purposes and read when I feel down (especially the old one from my bf- makes me feel better when things are gay...which led on to

2) My bf thinks I'm always sad. I think it's something to do with unrequited missing and I offer this analysis in explanation:
I miss him --> I call him --> I am once again reminded of how unrequited the missing is --> I get sad --> He gets annoyed at my sadness --> We hang up because the conversation goes no where after this point --> I miss him...etc etc

O GOODNESS that sounds SO PATHETIC. What a pathetic cycle to be trapped in. I feel sorry for both of us- he feels burdened by this sad bag of wet sand and I feel small, unloved and generally alone in the world. Plah. This led on to...

3) I've been going out with him for 2yrs this month. And for some reason this doesn't mean that much to me. Dating really, at its most basic form is a social experiment: "Can you stand this person enough to spend the rest of your life with them??", and this experiment has been going on for two years. Pleh. This view is so detached and unromantic- cynical me says that bf would be proud of me for being so!

I think that was where I got up to before the computer crashed.

So yeah. Even as I look back on what I just typed, I'm wondering what's gotton into me. I don't know, I guess all this unrequitedness and the general unease of life at the moment (exams etc) is kind of getting to me.

Ok, I'm going to go continue working on my options assignment. AIII!

later y'all xxx