Greetings one and all.

There are some people in the world who's lives are uncomtemplated. Who said it...that a life uncontemplated is a life not worth living? I dunno, SOMEONE famous. Augustine? Aristotle? But yeah, do you think that's true? If it is I've put a lot of value into my life then, because I'm always thinking about my life, about why I do the things I do, about what's going on in my head. (And the outlet for all my musings on myself happens to be HERE!) Is that vain? Am I self-absorbed? I'd like to think not, but if you think so, you are most welcome to surf away because I'm about to engage in a spot of self-focussed analysis right now!

I have wondered for a while now why I tend to get this competitive/jealous urge around other couples. I know, it's terrible and sad- it's not like I WANT to feel this way or anything, but it just happens, and I think I figured out why today! I LOVE learning new stuff about myself!! Hehe. I think I missed my calling to psychology or sociology or one of the human behavioural fields...O well.

I think the reason is that I've been starved of positive affirmation from the people I love and as a result it's something that I really crave. To understand the logic, you'll need a bit of background. My parents have never really believed in praising us kids. You may remember once (in that tirade I had about "Why have kids?") that I mentioned this- in that my parents are always paying out other parents who gush and boast about their kids and saying "That's not what we do!". (Last night they were remarking on one of their friends who had been boasting about his wife's and kids' cooking abilities, which is what brought this whole thing to my remembrance!) My bf is, in this sense, cut from the same cloth as my parents. He told me the other day that there are just somethings that he doesn't vocalise. In addition, with most of the couples I know/have known, they (well it's actually usually the guys) are always quite vocal about how good they think their girlfriends are (I know my cousin is- eek, it really irks me! On Sunday he was waxing lyrical about how GOOD his girlfriend was at driving manual...ARGH, I don't CARE ok??? See, it really DOES get to me!!).

So, you can see how being exposed to couples like that kinda grates on my nerves. I mean, it's not like I'm not content where I am (because I am- out of all the guys I know and am friends with, I got the best one!). But there's something inside me that is really hungry for affirmation from people I love. I mean, they are the people that really matter and really know the real you, after all. It's so sad. I can clearly remember two specific occasions when my bf complimented me in passing...not just the "You're cute!" kinda ones (which verge onto the obligatory boyfriend speak), but on something I did. And they are so insignificant- I can 97.56% guarantee you he won't remember saying them. But both of them just meant so much to me....hm. (BTW, if anyone says the "You should find your affimation in God!" thing, I will scream! This is NOT about that. This is about people you love recognising that you've done something good. Is that too much to ask?? O crap, maybe it IS about that. If so I will recognise that in my own good time thankyou!)(Haha, let's not sound defensive or anything! Hehehehehe. I know God loves me for who I am. I'd just like some engouragement from the people around me too. Feel free to tell me if that's wrong!)

But yeah! That's the revelation for the day.

In other news I'm back at my Kingdom Hearts on PS2 and I'm in Second District in the Alleyway and I can't get over the boxes at the end of the canal....so if anyone can help, I'd be grateful!! And I burnt my hand on a hot pan on the stove yesterday. Gaaayyy. But I've been slathering it with aloe vera after sun lotion and it seems to be helping so it's all good.

Gee this week has gone fast...Wednesday tomorrow already. Eek! Better go make some property notes!!

ciao!
xxoo