Evenin' all.

I got two emails today that particularly encapsulate (why am I using that word so much recently??) my growing irritation that no one gives me the right amount of credit. Either they give me too much, or too little. If only they would just go "Well, Em, you're doing these things well, but these things absolutely crap...overall you're ok." I could deal with that as an objective assessment....but everyone is either over- or under-compensating. Gr!

Email 1
An email from Gracia (the head of the ministry) saying how enthusiastic I was about welcome and how great that was! Well done Em! Well, here's news: I don't actually feel too overly enthusiastic about welcome- I'm actually trying to make the most of a situation that I'd rather not be in, but can't do anything about. I mean, I'm glad I come across that way...but really, le'ts be honest here. And I had a fairly long conversation with her last night and she was talking about how I was really "growing" because I was talking quite frankly to her and I wouldn't have been able to 6 months ago. The real reason that has happened is because I've finally realised she has the subtlety of a Mack Truck and nothing will get done if I don't tell it to her in a sledgehammer like way...so it's not like I went through this enormous process of soul-seraching or anything...argh!

Email 2
This one was from the now head of worship, Brendan. He was saying and I quote "You have seemed distant and frustrated lately Em-O, just thought i would encourage you..." ARRRGH. I suppose this one is closer to the truth, but can you just let me get on with what I'm doing here?? I KNOW he means well but it honestly has pissed me off like nothing else!! It's all very well for you to say your ministry is up and running now and blah blah (O, I'm about to go SOOO dodgy and un-holy and fleshly now but I've been holding this in since last week and I'm going to put it up cause I can't stand it anymore!!) but don't forget that I PUT IN THE HARD YARDS INTO THAT MINISTRY BEFORE YOU DID...DON'T LECTURE ME ON HARD YARDS!!!!! GRRRRRRRR. Besides, in stark and cynical brutality, kids will always want to join worship because they have friggin STARS (hehe, SARS! hehe...oops, probably not funny, huh?) in their eyes. SO DON'T THINK YOU'RE MR WONDERFUL! (I feel SOOO bad for just saying that. But I had to say it! O, I feel terrible...but not terrible enough to delete it. One day- if not already- I'll be so ashamed that I wrote that. Damn pride.) The friggin email was just SO condescending...argh argh argh. O help, I need a good dose of humility. But you know...in reference to why I was talking about this email in the first place: I'm not a dumbass. I've been around this block. Don't treat me like one.

So yeah...why can't people just see ME?? Do you think it's my fault...like...I give them the wrong impression?? I don't know, I don't know. Plah.

Thanks for reading, tune in next time! xxoo