Waiting for my rocket to come

At the end of this month, bf and I will have been together for 5 years. 5 years.

A realistic timeframe for the next few years is probably getting engaged sometime this year, and marrying sometime next year (so, sorry Phoebe...not engaged yet I'm afraid! heheheheh). Having said that, I frequently pester bf about what he's doing to plan the engagement! And he frequently replies "Why are you so anxious to get married anyway!?"

And in a moment of lucidity, I put my finger on it and was able to articulate it. It's because I'm just hanging around in this "interim period", waiting for the "rest of my life" to begin.

Bf and I have been together since half way through first year uni. I think it's fair to say that had we not been dating throughout uni, life would have panned out so differently for me. I don't think this consciously, but on some level, I'm thinking what's the point of starting anything, when life is on the cusp of being dramatically changed anyway? So I'm kind of in this holding pattern, and it's getting kind of boring.

There's a danger I recognise in seeing getting married as this one defining moment in your life, with not much vision for what goes after it. I don't want to get to a stage, when I'm so entrenched in wifehood and motherhood and not much else, where I take a step back and think "Crap, I wanted to do so much more with my life than this." I don't know if that's particularly "correct" to say stuff like that (I mean...wife/motherhood is billed as THE most fulfilling thing isn't it?!)...I just don't want to end up in a place where I have to ask questions like that!

And so to that end, I need to get myself a vision for my life...tap into my passions or something. I forget what those passions are. I mean...I like doing stuff, but I wouldn't say they were passions. Oh, I don't know. Will let you know if anymore thoughts come to me!