Career jitters

Career jitters is perhaps even too mild for what I'm feeling. It's more like Career Convulsions So Much So I Feel Sick In My Stomach.

It started with a friend of mine dropping The Criminal Appeals Project for Trade Practices. In my mind, that is such a pragmatic career oriented move, because to put it simply, Crim Appeals is interesting, and Trade Practices is dull as...a teaspoon!?...I dunno what. But it's boring. So you need to have some belief that it will help you in your career as a lawyer in the future to be able to put up with it. So after this happened I started thinking about what subjects I was doing, and what they were going to equip me for. And that lead to thoughts (scary thoughts!) of what I actually want to do.

At this stage of my life, I really want to get into a big firm and do some stuff with big clients. I find it a buzz to be working for clients I've heard of before...who are making a big impact on their scene. I like the idea that something I could be doing...advice I could be giving, could be impacting the main players on the corporate scene. I want to ideally be in Litigation because I love the strategy behind it all...the manoevering...really sinking your teeth into getting the best deal for your client. I don't think I could do it forever, because I get the feeling that if you're in it too long it eats up your soul...but I think for 5 or so years...it would be pretty fun!

There are a few problems with this ambition.

1. I didn't think of this before I picked my subjects, which are decidedly going in the opposite direction to that short term ambition. Does it matter? I don't know.

2. I don't have OUTSTANDING MARKS or OUTSTANDING EXTRACURRICULARS which are a pre-requisite of getting into one of the tip top firms.

3. I have a confidence crisis - I have only ever been successful at one interview I've had (for good ol' dodgy Baku!)...that's a success rate of about 1/3 I think. If only I'd had more practice and success at this...I'd feel a whole lot better.

Argh! I feel a lot like applying at these places is just a recipie for failure for me. I hate failing. I hate knowing that I put myself out there, only to fail! If only I could fast forward a little in my life to see what the outcomes were....

I struggle so much in this area of simply trusting God with my future job/career...as I head into this rather fraught time of graduate applications, please pray that I would trust Him and lean not on my own understanding, no matter what pans out eventually, and that my attitude would be glorifying to Him.