Argh argh argh.

Thoroughly fed up with getting incessantly paid out about not helping/spending time with Rae. Thoroughly.

I'm trying to make head/tail of what I actually feel because it's a bit of a mishmash at the moment, so bear with my random thoughts:

# It's not that I don't want to spend time with her. I just don't really have anything to say, and that makes me feel weird. Like- what do you say? I'm always lost for words after about 3 minutes...not like Mum who can blabber on for ages.
# I know that Mum has put her life on hold for this whole thing (such as her life was), but I don't particularly want to do that. Tonight I'm going out for NYE and won't be home til tomorrow night, and I'm getting in major trouble for it because I "should be spending New Year's Day with family". As far as I'm concerned, a day is a day is a day, and everyone will be home on the 2nd anyway, so it's not a huge deal. Argh argh argh.
# Sometimes I just can't stand being around the house. Especially when everyone is sad and sniffly- dampens the spirits.
# All the yelling, nagging and threatening in the world doesn't make me want to spend more time with her. It actually does the opposite. It's repellant, you know!

O so confused. Maybe I'm just a selfish git. =(.