"I'm a mobile" -Avril

Hello Chickadees,

Once again this house has turned into Procrastination Nation. Well I started off being productive, downloading legislation and stuff. But it degenerated and now I'm here.

Had these awful pangs of *un-named negative feeling* yesterday. Just a sense that everything is changing and I am standing still watching these things slip through my fingers without making any effort to grab at them. It kind of started with the discovery that one of my friends has a new girlfriend. I think that then linked to the epiphany that next year most of the closest thing I have to 'friends' at church will be going separate ways (ergh, that sentence was totally grammatically warped!). The thing about leading together is that I can't be sure that these people are actually friends. It's just too convenient- we're together all the time at meetings and whatever, have the ministry in common, so we can always talk about that...it requires little to no effort. That being the case, I'm not sure that after we all go our separate ways that we'll actually be friends, as opposed to people united briefly through being chucked in the same situation. Did ANY of that make sense???

So yeah...his acquiring a new appendage is kind of a symptom of that whole dilemma. Like, I thought we might have been friends a while back (before the angst- was it worth it?? *rolls eyes, WHATEVER*)...but aside from DIG#C, I guess not. I also discovered yesterday that another of my quasi-friends got kicked out of home...if we were really friends...I dunno, you TELL YOUR FRIENDS things like that! You let them be there for you. It's sad that way I suppose. Maybe it's my fault that I relied on the convenience factor rather than actually trying to make these people my real friends...so all these experiences and occurrences have led to this more-bitter-than-sweet nostalgic, slightly regretful mishmash of feelings. The good thing about making the migration to the uni ministry is that I'll have some kind of chance at making proper friends without wondering whether we were only friends by convenience.

In other news, I'm really looking forward to getting a store at a market sometime this summer! However, it's gonna involve excruciating hours of stock making (wish I had some staff or sewers or somthing...any volunteers??)...shopping for material and trimmings...logo design (though I've already come up with one I'm reasonably pleased with)...then leg work stuff like actually trying to find a market where I can set up...all tantalising summer exploits! O to have finished exams already!

ok, should study...nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...

ciao xx