No use crying

I'm all for crying for release...sometimes you just need to get rid of the choked up feeling inside you and crying will sometimes do just that. But for me to cry over something I've already shed a gazillion tears over, over something that no matter how much I cry won't change...I just don't see the point. It gives you a headache and puffy red eyes afterwards.

I'm talking about me crying over my sister here - she passed away at the beginning of last year.

Usually I'm ok with it - I edited the video of her funeral, and wrote letters to her insurance company and doctors all without shedding a tear - but I had this dream last night (and I've had similar dreams a few times now) where she had just gone on a long holiday/business trip and was coming home, and on the way back from picking her up from the airport I was updating her on all the things that had happened to me while she was away. And then to wake up finding that I'll never be able to tell her those things (not in this lifetime anyway)...it just kills me.

So here I sit, crying at my computer screen.

Well, I knew it would start if I dwelt on it.