"I would if I could, but I can't, so I won't."

That attitude is so repugnant to me. But o, so prevalent in my life at the moment! Argh! I was saying to Lynette yesterday that if I knew how to deal with this situation with my sister, I would. But I don't know how! And as such, I'm stuck in a rut. O help!!

My mum just impliedly (and totally groundlessly) blamed me for the fact that she's considering getting back with her ex. The way I see it is that if you let a guy be nice to you enough, he'll eventually get under your skin and you'll be putty in his hands...and that's what has happened. And all those reasons she broke up with him in the first place....have gone shooting out the most conviniently located window. I dislike that kind of back-tracking...I don't know why. Perhaps it's just part of my anality. But WHY, O WHY, has their relationship thus far been characterised by back-tracking of this nature?? It's ridiculous! Ergh! Grrrr.

More hard-hittingly, however, was mum's observation: "I thought you and your sister were close, but you aren't at all." And I think I have my finger on the reason, but I'm too ashamed to put it here. And NO it's not jealousy or anything like that! Actually, I'm not too ashamed. If you regularly read my blog, you'll probably already think I'm a horrible person (or at least have some pretty ugly moments) so what the heck, right? For some fairly illogical reason, I lost respect for her. Isn't that a horrible thing to say...if anything I should respect her more because of what she's gone through and stuff. But, well, there. It's said. I think a part of it is this certain sense of surreality (if that's a word...you know, the opposite of being down to earth) about her...I just don't find it real. I'd prefer if she said something like "Yeah, this sucks like hell, but I trust God"...or just SOME acknowledgement of the suckiness! I dunno, maybe it's because I can't identify anymore....sigh.

HOW HOW HOW to deal with this? Suggestions anyone?