And here I am again.

Bored. So bored. But the irony is that I can't be bothered to do anything, except tinker around on the internet. *tinker tinker*

Hooray, The Bachelor is on tonight! It's terrible for the participants but such excellent television! They've discovered what youth groups all around the world have known for decades: that stuff is a lot more interesting with some BGRs thrown in!! I hate to let on to the fact that the only thing that is making my life worhwhile at the moment in television (by the way, watched 24 for the first time last night...I'm duly impressed and hence converted!) but it's very nearly true. This reminds me of my existence in year 12 when life could be described in about 7 words, two of which were "popstars" and "dawson's". How crap Dawson's in these days. I didn't even realise the season ended when it did cause I hadn't been watching it. WHY did they insist on having gay Dawson and gay Joey together?? They had the chemistry of a tissue box with a diskette. (You won't believe how long it took me to come up with the tissue-box-diskette thing...o dear).

My boyfriend**funny how it starts off being really really weird calling him "my boyfriend" and how it's become my handle of choice- well, in this forum at least** wants to do his around the world stint and/or his working overseas stint. I guess I'm ok with it...actually, I'm more resigned to the fact that it must be done and with as little misgiving expressed from me as possible. I'm fully aware of the consequences of cloying clinginess- just drives the other person away and I'd rather that that not happen!! But I agree that he has to do it to experience life outside the coop of current routine life. And it'll probably be good for me to just be myself. (I really am trying to convince myself here aren't I!) STILL........I'll miss you...*shhh*.

Enough of this.

I'm always getting zits just on my lip line. It's THE worst place to get them. And I have one just under my lips in the oil-well near my chin. Ick ick. They're the ones with the little dry tops that stick out, so you can't conceal them...I shall put it down to the stress of the last few weeks. And now I'm picking the one in the oil-well....argh! Naughty! Oops. Too late, I picked it off! Bleeding now....Ouch!

Why does stuff like missing me almost never factor in to his equation? (Couldn't get my mind off it, zit distraction aside!) I dunno, I guess it shouldn't really. I mean, I suppose I'm only a semi-permanent fixture in his life and I shouldn't be holding him back. Pfffft. How generous of me to think that way!

I just came back upstairs from a stint downstairs to prove my un-nuisance-ness (i.e. through helping chop up garlic and other random acts of usefulness). I dunno, I guess I feel a bit alienated by all the spiros-ness that occurs round our house now. I mean, I was sitting on the couch in front of the TV eating a Lindt ball watching my sister (who is lying on the trundle in the living room) and my mum was sponging her head with a cool cloth. Anywayz, mum started muttering in tongues and then my sister followed suit. It's not as though I'm against speaking in tongues. I mean I speak in tongues and it's fine. But...I don't know. Maybe I'm just not holy enough. Actually, I think I fall far short of the holiness line. I am back at the stage (o no, NOT AGAIN!!) where I don't really want to spend time with God, even though I know I need to to stay on top of things. Not that that should really be my motivation, but that's the thing that springs into my head when I think "Damn, gotta do my QT". Am I getting attacked? Am I just dodgy and fleshly? I don't know, I don't know. But I pray with my whole heart that God would bring me back to Him...that He would cause me to fall in love with Him again and want to know Him. O man, when I typed that I just got this picture in my head of that day when we went hiking...(ok, imagine the screen going misty at the edges like they do in cheap soaps for flashbacks and dreams)...

To speed along our general progress and to spare me (I guess), my boyfriend offered to carry my pack (as well as his pack) up this really steep and long ascent. So while I was practically bounding up this steep hill, he was plodding along with a pack on his front and his back, and I can imagine how difficult that was. Anyway, I made it almost to the top of the hill and I paused and looked out- I could see the trails we'd just walked on beneath me, and the ocean out to my left- and I could make out a small figure which was my boyfriend plodding up the hill with 2 packs, taking frequent breaks and my heart was pretty close to breaking. I felt so bad for him with those two not insignificant burdens. At that time, God spoke into my heart- not in a voice voice- but more an impression, so I understood immediately. Something like "I also look down at you humans, scuttling around with your heavy burdens and I long to take them from you. If your heart is breaking now for something that will pass pretty shortly, imagine how much more mine is breaking for humanity."

Man...God loves us so much- I have that conviction in the very core of my being.

adios xx